Day 10, Playing Games. I’ve somehow returned to “Trivial Pursuits” times and those friends I played with back then. Doug has great all-night small parties like tonight’s in his small one bedroom bungalow 1/2 a block from the beach. We can just fit in the living room, each at our side of the board, four of us is just right. Ash trays back then, small coffee tables, just big enough for a few drinks. Everyone reads their card quietly because it’s finally pretty quiet outside in the alley and there’s lots of apartments and bungalows practically on top of each other in the alley. People are sleeping by 4:00 a.m. I’m getting kind of bored with the cards I read. Here’s another, music, oh boo. those guys, what a bunch of old nurses, they along with the Grateful Dead, robbed me of the teen years I thought I’d spend in tight skirts and beehives like my older cousins did in Philadelphia, ok here goes: “Who’s the fourth member of Crosby, Stills, (yawn), Nash and Young?” Gee Sharlene at least looks puzzled, I figured that would be an easy one for these folks, my California friends . . . . .She started laughing as I heard what I’d said. “Young”. Woops, even I’m too used to hearing the four names together that I know goes with that tweetie sound, but don’t know any of those songs names or who sings which ones, all pretty softly similar. “Young”, ok, he’s not really part of the thing, good for him I guess.
Day Six, let’s see if I get this to the blog or where it should be. Seems like I’m doing a comment but I’ll try it. What I would like to change about me is my unwillingness to “start”. I can day dream endlessly, watch movies and TV Politics, especially MSNBC, endlessly. I think about shopping, making some improvements on my cars that only require buying something little and putting it in or on, cleaning and improving my home, writing, reading and more. Eventually I fall asleep and start again the next day, thinking that is. It’s gotten to the point where I can actually do only what I really need to be able to think and watch which is shop for food and wash clothes and me and walk my dog and cook and eat. For most of my life procrastination and laziness kept me from doing as much as I might have, made me scramble and do what had to be done finally at the last minute, but ultimately isn’t regrettable as I chose to act or not act that way and continued for 50 or so years. I’m concerned though about what has also kept me still for the years I’ve been away from work which might be fear of failure or new certainty that any start will not produce perfect results. Failure or perfection with nothing in between might be an excuse of allowed myself to use to justify daydreaming. I would like to jump into some plans or tasks or searches without even envisioning a result or end, just jump around, pop in and out, drive away to the easy route for nothing other than a look, just start. I know it feels good sometimes, is a mess other times, isn’t going to cost or harm me much as I’m not stupid, am a glass ass and don’t gamble life choices seriously, just play slot machines a little. Maybe my condo complex will notify me there’s going to be a termite project for a few days that puts me out on the street . . . . . It wouldn’t hurt. I hope I get a move on though before something like an earthquake or other disaster forces me into motion. I’m going to try to prepare for that took, fill some water bottles and make a little care package for Solo and me, just in case. I think I have some bottles and whatever it is one should put into the package, I think
the first Nablopomo 4 me
Thirty days of something, anything will be good for me. For almost three years I’ve been home from work. First five months I was on admin leave after employer finally harassed and bullied me and drove me off the job. I’d been given a fifteen day suspension on the 31st of January out of the clear blue sky. It was like being a victim in a drive by shooting. Sure, they’d been attacking me for two years pretty regularly, in a contrived and perverted way, making accusations that had nothing to do with actual work or anything other than their “work”, a campaign to agitate and create drama eventually to be able to document “progressive discipline” sufficient to suspend and terminate me. But it would eventually fade for a while. I worked and, like it or not, they needed somebody to work, somebody who’d been there long enough to know the work. So much…
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</>In 11 minutes it will be the 3rd of November. I would have missed writing the next day after committing only yesterday to write every day of November at “Noma. . . . ” something like that. Well there’s plenty more I didn’t do today. It was a day of just remembering. While walking Solo I passed the unit with the surfboard like decoration over a window with Pittsburgh Steelers carved into it. To be from Pennsylvania. It made me smile to remember what that was. Of course I knew what it was to be from Philadelphia, not Pittsburgh but I remember elementary school, when I learned Pennsylvania was one of the three mid-atlantic states as New Jersey, New York and Pennsylvania were called. Those three had as much population as the rest of the country, at least back then in 1961 or ’62. So it was pretty ordinary back to be from Pennsylvania I thought back then. I remembered thinking that. When we came back in from the walk I was in my bathroom and I remembered other houses, visiting both Grandma’s houses on weekends, staying over at Grandma Minnie’s house one night. Cindy and I slept in Grandma’s and Grandpa’s bedroom. It was bright in there even though it was nighttime. I liked that. I knew the light was sometimes from cars going by and other light was just from other homes so close. It felt so safe, no monsters or ghosts. I liked the closeness of the city that was so different from the seperatness of the suburbs where I lived, where it was dark at night with the light off.
Thirty days of something, anything will be good for me. For almost three years I’ve been home from work. First five months I was on admin leave after employer finally harassed and bullied me and drove me off the job. I’d been given a fifteen day suspension on the 31st of January out of the clear blue sky. It was like being a victim in a drive by shooting. Sure, they’d been attacking me for two years pretty regularly, in a contrived and perverted way, making accusations that had nothing to do with actual work or anything other than their “work”, a campaign to agitate and create drama eventually to be able to document “progressive discipline” sufficient to suspend and terminate me. But it would eventually fade for a while. I worked and, like it or not, they needed somebody to work, somebody who’d been there long enough to know the work. So much staff was new always; few stayed and even if they did, they were not yet able to really do it. The hearing process at Social Security involves a variety of programs that do take about ten years to learn, as they told us at orientation. So, sometimes they let me work for a few months at a time without involving me in wasteful drama they so enjoyed. Well, the Social Security hearing office I worked for from ’97 to ’11 just flopped, no matter how many workers they could bring on, even with two temporary supervisors finally to assist the three there and their hearing office director, a miserable bitter pill for whom berating employees, denying benefits, belittling them and even the judges was a “perk”. While she was in the position since 2003 and worked for SSA since ’79 (all of her working life), and while the chief judge was that for at least 25 years, they just couldn’t get the hang of it. We managed to come in at #155 to #162 of only 165 hearing offices nationwide. This director was furious with me and anybody who was totally absorbed by the work itself, not interested in the social aspect of the office or her especially. Oh well, so anyway, I worked, liked my work, was really liked for that by the judges, and I fought off the malignant director until it was no longer possible. Finally after about 5 months admin leave, with many EEO cases filed and responses to proposed suspension and proposed removal written and served, I retired. I was 56, a federal worker with about 15 years service, eligible for an early retirement with some pension and lifelong health insurance, etc. and I took it. Then it turned out I was disabled per SSA and here I am. It’s ok. It’s also time to start living my retired, disabled, pretty free life, what the hell. Home is almost paid for, weather’s fine, cases are almost finished. Boy, I am pretty loose though, toooooo laaaaaaid back! 30 days of something, anything, we’ll see. I’ll write for 30 days “nablopmo”, thanks.