NaBloPoMo Day Six, Change Me How?

Day Six, let’s see if I get this to the blog or where it should be.  Seems like I’m doing a comment but I’ll try it.  What I would like to change about me is my unwillingness to “start”.   I can day dream endlessly, watch movies and TV Politics, especially MSNBC, endlessly.  I think about shopping, making some improvements on my cars that only require buying something little and putting it in or on, cleaning and improving my home, writing, reading and more.  Eventually I fall asleep and start again the next day, thinking that is.  It’s gotten to the point where I can actually do only what I really need to be able to think and watch which is shop for food and wash clothes and me and walk my dog and cook and eat.  For most of my life procrastination and laziness kept me from doing as much as I might have, made me scramble and do what had to be done finally at the last minute, but ultimately isn’t regrettable as I chose to act or not act that way and continued for 50 or so years.  I’m concerned though about what has also kept me still for the years I’ve been away from work which might be fear of failure or new certainty that any start will not produce perfect results.  Failure or perfection with nothing in between might be an excuse of allowed myself to use to justify daydreaming.  I would like to jump into some plans or tasks or searches without even envisioning a result or end, just jump around, pop in and out, drive away to the easy route for nothing other than a look, just start.  I know it feels good sometimes, is a mess other times, isn’t going to cost or harm me much as I’m not stupid, am a glass ass and don’t gamble life choices seriously, just play slot machines a little.  Maybe my condo complex will notify me there’s going to be a termite project for a few days that puts me out on the street . . . . . It wouldn’t hurt.  I hope I get a move on though before something like an earthquake or other disaster forces me into motion.  I’m going to try to prepare for that took, fill some water bottles and make a little care package for Solo and me, just in case.  I think I have some bottles and whatever it is one should put into the package, I think


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